he's just not that into you

so i know i'm late to the party, but as it turns out i usually am so i'm sitting at home on a saturday night, (aren't i fancy) and i just finished watching "he's just not that into you" and the stuff they said was so true i have just come to the realization that not one person i have liked or thought liked me ever really has. how sad is that? it's also pretty funny if you think about after your fifth beer. i mean i guess its not that big of a deal as i am only 23... but then i think that's only 7 years from 30 and 7 years is not that much time. i am gonna end up old and alone. but maybe i'm being melodramatic, maybe i'm being crazy and i have to stop trying to define myself by relationships or lack there of. maybe i should just enjoy my 20's care free. OR maybe i should drink enough alcohol to fill a vat.

"Transvestite Wives"

i was watching this show on the BBC last night about 3 english couples where the men in the relationships were transvestites and the women in there lives be it there girlfriend or wife had accepted them for who they were and stayed with them. this got me to thinking could i do that? am i opened minded enough that if my husband or boyfriend came to me in a wig and a dress i would be able to handle it and still love him the same way? i'd like to think so, i mean i am totally accepting of peoples rights to be whomever the wanna be, i'm bi, 2 of my best friends are gay. so why wouldn't i be able to. love should be unconditional and i'd like to believe that i would find the kind of love that means so much that i don't care who you are or what you do as long as we are together.

me and my "issues"

so about 2 weeks ago i picked up my life in NYC and moved to Florida. and at the time i thought this was the best thing for me, and maybe it is but right now i cant exactly see it. i am a runner and not in the put on some sneakers and go for a jog runner, come to think of it i dont even own a pair of sneakers...but anyway  i run from my problems always have and the problems i was running from this time are as follows
a) i have a large secret i am keeping from my family and don't know how to tell them
b) i am deeply infatuated with someone who doesn't want me
c) i don't always like myself
now these may not seem all that big but i swear they are, they consume my thoughts, there is not a moment that goes by that i am not dreading my family finding out, never seeing him again or if i do see him he will ignore me and the fact that i wish i was a totally different person.