...

i feel strange, i don't feel like my self and i'm not entirely sure why. i don't know if its this place that's changing me or if i just am, but i feel strange and i would like it to stop. i have noticed that i am great at giving advice, not only about my friends problems but about my own cause some of them are having really similar issues and i can impart fantastic advice to them but then i can't follow it... its dumb. i have these ridiculous tendencies to drag my self down to put my self in these funks, sometimes i think i might be bi polar. like i knew this guy a while ago and we kinda had a thing for a little bit and i have not been able to escape him, to let him go, its like he haunts me i think about him too much, at least twice a day no matter how hard i try not too, some random thing will happen and it will remind me of him in some 6 degree of separation way. its ridiculous and more frustrating that i can explain because i hate him except that i don't hate him i want to but i cant figure out how. i  should just delete him from my life but i cant even unfriend him on facebook it took me damn near 2 years to just block him and even with that i still check his page. its sad. i am sad and pathetic. he never cared about me for one single moment we were "together" the entire time he was cheating on his girlfriend with me and i knew it which makes it that much worse and me that much more pathetic. i even read the mans blog. i don't know what is wrong with me. if anyone has any advice i am all ears. i haven't seen him or really spoken to him in like a year and i thought, i hoped that it would just fade away that he would fade from my heart with time like its happened before, but he wont go away he just sits there staring at me from behind my own eyes mocking me.