achy

i have this achy feeling in the bottom of my stomach that i can't get rid of, its a mixture of loneliness + that feeling you get when you're a kid and you know you're gonna get in trouble + ? something else i can't quite verbalize let alone write or should i say type...i wonder if anyone reads this? i don't think so, no one cares. this odd feeling has been with me for months now, i can push it away for periods of time like a day or two but then it come back. it has led me to listen to the same song on repeat for like 3 days { like a star by corinne bailey rae} its strange, not the song that actually pretty, but the unending desire to listen to it continuously. i should go to sleep i have to be awake in 5 hours {that's 4am people} to go to work, fun times! but i don't wanna sleep. i really like this picture of me, i took it with my i sight camera on my laptop before it died. i like it because well 1) it doesn't look like me and b) it conveys melancholy which is an emotion i tend to live in. i even like that its grainy. i can't stop thinking about people who are no longer in my life, former friends and "special" friends etc. people who i wish i would just let go but cant seem to figure how to. it's a complicated feeling to both never want to see someone again but to also want so badly to talk to them you cant explain it. to worry about people who probably never ever thought or worried about you, even when you were apart of there lives. totally switching topics, now this may make me sound dumb but i don't care i can not remember ever which version of the word "there" i am supposed to use for sentences. also i can not for the life of me remember how to do long division...