8-12

i haven't written in a while and i'm sorta just free typing whatever thoughts pop into my head it is exactly 9pm right now on august 11th and in 3hrs it will be by birthday my 24th birthday and i am not exactly looking forward to it. i live in a city in a state that i hate without my friends or even the luxury to get f-ing plastered as i would like to my friends are in nyc right now some at work some at home others i have no idea what they are doing and then there are a few that are out at a bar right now enjoying themselves which is exactly where i wanna be. i have been helping a friend lately try and navigate her boy troubles and though i love being able to help her, it makes me kinda sad because i have no boy troubles, i have no boy. there is no one who wants to contribute to my melancholy. and talking to her brings up thoughts of someone i would rather not be thinking about. there is a guy at my job that i enjoy flirting with but it wont go anywhere past that and honestly i'm not even sure hes actually flirting now that i'm thinking about it, who knows! either way i'm not broken up about it, he makes me smile so i'll enjoy it while i've got it. i feel strange here, i don't know what it is about florida but i don't feel like me. i'm listening to my itunes on shuffle and "to zion" by lauryn hill just came on and god i love this song, i love this whole album i can imagine being an old lady with grand kids sitting them down and making them listen to this album and saying shit like "in my day this was music" and all those cliche things adults say about when the were young. i'm thinking about getting a tattoo of a pink elephant. i have just decided as i am home and in possession of a bottle of captain morgan i am gonna have a drink to me at 12am in celebration of my birth. i just went to retrive my bottle and found a birthday card from my grandmother taped to by door with $100 bucks in it, she is a neat old lady! this other song just came on its called "bloodstream" its by a band called stateless, and this song is so very very sexy, it makes me feel sexy just listening to it... it makes me feel good! i am gonna buy my self a pair of boots tomorrow as my present to myself, they are black and calf high and beautiful i have no reason to wear them in fl but w/e i want them! i know its only august but i am trying to decide my halloween costumes and the choices are killing me! i have become obsessed with my weight i weigh my self like 3 or 4 times a day. it's probably not a good idea but w/e. i just had the sudden urge to sing that kermit the frog song "its not that easy being green" i have no ides why, ooh and "the rainbow connection", jim henson was a genius! just my opinion! i have the strong desire to retreat into my childhood so i am gonna watch the many adventures of winne the pooh have my drink and go to bed as i have to be up at 7am to get to work on time